Dear Dr.  Betty,

I am a mental health doctor who has recently closed my health care business of 28 years, because of the stranglehold insurance companies had on my practice. 

For example, some of my patients who thought they had coverage were often told that necessary procedures would not be paid for; others had their coverage canceled after they became ill, many were only authorized to receive a few sessions that were not enough to provide the in-depth treatment they needed.

I was forced to hire extra office help to work with insurance company staff to get paid for services rendered. The billing process took up more time than it did to provide services. 

Finally I realized that I could no longer continue to provide high quality care and also make a decent living. Once the recession hit, business fell off enormously and I knew my business was falling apart. I felt defeated and angry.  After I mourned the loss of my business I began to think of Plan “B”.

I am not ready to retire. My passion for supporting people through their tough and painful times continues.  My grown children and close friends suggest that I teach or work for a health care organization. I don’t think I would be fulfilled by these suggestions. I have done these things in the past, but I no longer want to work in a traditional manner. Instead, I am planning to be a consultant and travel around the world providing mental health services for children. I am drawn to the adventures of journeying.  It is something that I put aside to raise my two children as a single mother.

Some family members and friends are against this idea because it feels unsafe and irresponsible to them. The possibility of financial and physical insecurity is what they see for me. I do have health problems and will need to travel to “dangerous” parts of the globe.  I will be required to be away from home for two to three months at a time. Still, I want to try this. Do you think it is wise at sixty-two to separate myself from my family and home to take a chance on the uncertain world of being a consultant? I’m feeling at sea about what to do with the rest of my life. 

Sincerely,
Second Act

Dear Second Act,

I am sorry that you have had the misfortune of losing your business.  It is rotten and unfair, and you deserve better.

You seem to have the attitude that now that this unfortunate event has happened, you will focus on the future and already have a plan to change your life significantly.

It sounds like you are the adventurous type who is willing to seize an opportunity.  I have been hearing from many people who are thinking outside the traditional career model as they move through their 50’s 60’s and even 70’s and face the problems that the downturn in our economy has brought to them. Many are listening to their inner voices telling them something quite different than the culturally-conditioned advice that they normally get from friends and family.

You are mining this tough, rattling experience of closing your practice to find choices that will be grounded yet powerful for you. The difficulty of grieving the loss of your business and starting over, while reinventing yourself, takes courage.   This courage can offer a springboard to spur growth. Such growth can be terrifying and may feel like you could fall into the abyss.

I imagine that you will discover things that you will love, as well as uncover talents you didn’t know you had. You may even find that you are ideally suited to something that was never on your radar at all in the past. Healthy transformation often comes from passions that propel people out of dark places. Your passion for helping others can give you energy to overcome the obstacles that a new job and traveling require. Such huge changes all at once aren’t for the faint-hearted.  Remember, though, that thriving or super-resilience is creative.

Your strong commitment to your career as a healer and the difference you make in other people’s lives tells me that you are a part of something very important in our world. Remembering this, you will be able to flourish and thrive despite the pressures that change will bring.

The research on stress and resilience done by Hans Seyle, during the Great Depression of the 1930’s, tells us that people who are hardy, enjoy change and challenge. People who cope well with the ups and downs of life know when it is time to disengage and to set new goals. They are able to argue against their own (and others’) negative or self-defeating thoughts and are able to find something positive about their experiences. Those who are resilient are flexible, adaptable and agile. They are able to connect with those in their social networks. I am assuming that you possess many of these traits and will have the tools to have the stress of multiple changes serve you rather than harm you. You demonstrate traits that are associated with resilience.

Taking on a consulting job, where you have a say over which assignments you take, may be freeing to you as you leave the office where you worked under someone’s thumb or felt victimized by large corporations. This new autonomy may bring new meaning to your work.

Let your family and friends know that you have given it much thought and you will appreciate it if they can give you emotional support as you rebuild your life. You will need to find one or two people with whom you can share your fears and confusion, as well as high points.

I see you turning your pain into growth pains. Take small steps, visualize what you want, Imagine that there will be opportunities you never dreamed of that will present themselves to you.

There will be rough times as you carve out a new place for yourself and there will be moments of frustration and self doubt that come with transformation. The learning curve of entering into new cultures will require patience and practice, as well as strength and endurance. You will explore your capacities to relax in the face of stress and to regulate your emotions.  As you help others who have been hurt or confused by life and protect them from feeling alone, judged and abandoned, you will alleviate your own pain as well.

With a plan for self-care, you will see this trial througsh to a better outcome. Please be sure to make an appointment with your medical provider before you leave on assignment and let them know the extent of your travel and your work expectations.

Visit the other writers on the newsletter for tips on health, well-being, staying motivated and nutrition. Enjoy your adventures and the interesting people you will meet. The good stress of travel and helping others may help you express the best part of yourself. 

Best to you,

Dr. Betty