Dear Dr.  Betty,

I am concerned about my daughter and her two school-age girls. I believe my daughter is overly concerned with looks, fashion and beauty. My granddaughters are in the 2nd and 4th grades and already they are worried about being too fat and not pretty enough.  

My daughter, Leanne has been attracted to designer clothes and concerned about her weight, but her interest and worry did not begin until junior high school.

Thongs for 7-year olds?

I took my granddaughters shopping for school clothes and was shocked at the sexy styles for young children. There were thongs for seven year olds, makeup for kindergarteners and rhinestones on tight jeans for elementary school girls. I was doubly shocked that my granddaughters wanted these things.

Losing a childhood

I was planning on purchasing clothes that the girls could enjoy while on the playground. I was hoping to find clothes they could jump and play tag in. They don’t get enough activity as it is with all the TV and video games they play.

What are your thoughts about this? Should I talk to my daughter about my concerns? She seems oblivious.

Concerned in Cincinnati.

Dear Concerned,

Objectification

For the past 30 years I have been paying close attention to how our consumer culture has been setting up young girls for objectification with an over-emphasis on beauty and looks.

Mary Pipher drew attention to this problem when she wrote the book: “Reviving Ophelia” in 1994.  It appears that the issue has gotten worse with even more images of tall, sexy, extremely thin women gracing magazines, on T.V. and in movies, and plastered on billboards.

Mixed messages

I believe as a society, we are giving children mixed messages about our expectations for their development by presenting super skinny images at the same time we offer to supersize their fast food and snacks. We are adding pressures at the time of their life when children should be playing, relaxing and having fun.  

I frequently see girls on playgrounds who can’t climb or play because they are dressed in flip-flops, short skirts or flimsy tops. Many aren’t able to join in the fun or get the exercise that they need for wellbeing and health.

I have watched girls, as they pass through the hot lunch line, choose high fat, salty and sugary foods but later on, regret choosing those foods over more nutritious ones.

Limit your child’s exposure

When I notice these behaviors, I remind parents about how they can teach their daughters how to choose healthy alternatives. I talk about the sexualization of young children by our hyper-commercialized, mega-corporations and how to limit a child’s exposure to their marketing.

Share your concerns

I think it is a good idea for you to share your concerns with your daughter about the shopping trip with your granddaughters. 

• Express your surprise that the girls are worried about weight and appearance at such a young age.
• Talk to your daughter about your goals for your granddaughters when it comes to purchasing clothes, music, DVD’s and toys for them.
• Explain that you want to give the girls a chance to play freely and to enjoy their recess time by being able to run, participate in a ballgame, play on the bars or swings and climb the monkey bars if they so choose.

Girls can still develop their own style and identity while at the same time looking like children rather than miniature adults. It may take some looking, but there are many cute, yet practical clothes, and fun toys to play with that are wholesome and free of an emphasis on adult beauty or sexiness.

Enjoy this time with your grandchildren, and protect their childhood as much as you can by talking honestly, yet gently, with your daughter and son-in-law.

Dr. Betty