Dear Dr.  Betty,

We are planning a family gathering in the fall for four days. Our two grown children and our six and eight year old grandchildren will be arriving at our home with the expectation of fun and connection. Our recreation budget has been cut and so has theirs. Before the economy went south, we used to meet and go to Disneyland or relax on a beach in Hawaii. Such pricey get-togethers are a thing of the past for now.  Do you have some suggestions on how we can have a memorable time together without breaking the bank?  

Very truly yours,

Pinched in Petaluma

Dear Pinched,

As more and more families have had their finances cut back they are rethinking how they plan family rituals and fun times. As budgets tighten and money for entertainment shrinks, there is a shift in how families spend time. Newspapers are having features suggesting fun “staycations”.

Alternative Fun

One positive outcome to these changes in circumstances is that families are turning to simpler, less spectacular ways to enjoy each other. Families are learning how to have playful times without electricity, gasoline or batteries as a way to save money and the environment.

Fun Unplugged

One young man, I know set up a family gathering for his folks, his siblings, their spouses and their four elementary school-age children. He called it the non-spectator, unplugged, non-tech, hands-on, creative and sometimes messy, playcation.

• Each person was asked for his or her ideas before planning the long weekend.
• Michael then went to thrift stores and purchased some games, old magazines such as National Geographic and Parents, puzzles and other supplies. His best bargains were a badminton and croquet set with most of their parts.
• With the support of the whole family, he came up with five days of simple, commercial-free, play time. There was no T.V., any computers, nothing but a basket full of games, cards, bubbles, word search books, jump ropes, art supplies, water-balloons and kites.
• Michael sent his sister to the library to seek out books to read aloud such as the Hobbit, The Swiss Family Robinson, and Harry Potter. He borrowed bikes, enabling family groups to take off for rides on the bike path near his parents’ house.
• General rules for family fun were written and shared on a bulletin board. The focus with games was on good sportsmanship and the idea that teaching youngsters strategies for winning games like checkers, solitaire and chess was O.K. and part of the experience. Everyone agreed that no one would keep score; they just played for fun.
• He posted a list of activities to choose from.  People took turns selecting and leading an activity for a morning, afternoon or evening.  No-one was forced to participate unless they really wanted to.
• In the evening family members played outdoor-games like Tag, Simon Says and Red-light/Green-light.  Once it got dark, they came inside and played board games like Pictionary, Scrabble Jr., Bingo and Clue Jr.

Not a dull moment

The five days passed quickly with hardly a dull momentbecause

• Michael set up art projects on the patio to be done individually and jointly. There was painting on watercolor postcards, making collages, or mosaics, and modeling Fimo (clay that can be baked into jewelry or miniature figures).
• Some family members went on short hikes, participated in a simple scavenger hunt, others walked through the town as if they were tourists exploring the local landmarks. 
• Grandfather was in charge of family skit night. He reminded everyone that it can be entertaining watching people with or without talent. One person read poetry, another had the family dog do some tricks, the kids put on a hand puppet show (drawing faces on their hands since puppets were not available.) One of the adults attempted some magic and another started a sing-along. His siblings couldn’t recall laughing so hard and so much.
• A menu of foods, to make as a group, was posted on a white board. Included were simple and interesting foods the children could participate in making such as pizza, kabobs, salads, a marinated cold chicken picnic dinner, and a classic barbequed dinner of burgers and corn on the cob with watermelon for dessert. One night was saved for a fancy dinner, using good china, linen tablecloth and napkins, candlelight, soft music. Everyone wore his or her best clothes. The food wasn’t elegant, it was pizza with a multitude of toppings, but the meal was extra special.
• Snacks included a fruit platter with yogurt and granola for dipping. Pretzels, Veggies with a cream cheese dip, regular Popcorn and home made trail mix. Children helped prepare and clean up after this food as well.
• The family enjoyed looking at photos from previous family reunions. This year they gathered to video tape grandparents as they recalled tales of their youth. The children asked questions like:  What was the funniest thing that happened to you?  What was it like when you were little?  Did you have a phone or a TV? Now each family has a valued keepsake of family history.

A great success

I use Michael’s family gathering to give you ideas of things to do without spending a great deal of money. He got positive feedback from his siblings for his guidance in focusing on keeping their time together simple.

Because of the significant economic shift, “staying in” with the family, as opposed to going out, has become a meaningful and favorite way to spend time for many families.  

It can cost next to nothing

You don’t have to break the bank to have a terrific time with your family.  In fact Michael’s said the most memorable and satisfying activities were the ones that cost next to nothing.  They appreciated a return to activities they relished as children.  His sister was reminded of some of the joys she put aside to work full time and raise her two children like music, leisure, unstructured family time and walks in nature.

Staying in doesn’t have to be expensive, what is required is creativity, an investment of time and a willingness to enjoy simple pleasures. 

Make a rich life of rich moments

We all remember silly, bonding moments when we felt a real connection as a family, when we laughed, relaxed and enjoyed each other’s company. You can establish a time to play and have fun in your own way that suits your family.  Set some guidelines and with the help of each family member, create a valuable, rich gathering.  It may become a ritual that creates lasting memories as it did for Michael’s family.

Imagine a playful and lighthearted time! 

Dr. Betty