Dear Dr. Betty,

We live in such uncertain times with the shaky economy, high gas prices, exorbitant credit card fees, and high unemployment. My not-yet-employed 30-year-old daughter recently graduated from a master’s degree program. She called from the East Coast last night saying that she is so afraid of the future that she is having panic attacks. What advice can I give her to help her stay steady during such a shaky, transitional time?

Sincerely,

Feeling Insecure in Arizona

Dear Feeling Insecure,

Yes, these are volatile times and people of this new generation are under a great amount of pressure to succeed at a young age. The fact that your daughter can call you and share her fear and worry with you is a positive sign that she has learned the important skill of leaning on people.

The post graduation time requires patience and a tolerance for uncertainty and stress management skills. It is normal to feel many strong feelings such as self-doubt, loss, and grief as well as excitement, anticipation and hope. There may be days when she wishes she could go back to her college life as she faces working full time to pay rent, transportation costs, college loans, utilities, and insurance.

Encourage your daughter to gather the people she cares about around her, both in person and via phone and Email. Now she has the opportunity to learn how to nurture herself through the building of a strong support system. Some other things that she might want to do to build nurturance into her life is to find a mentor, volunteer in her community, or take a class through adult ed, as well as make time to be outdoors and tune into the cycles of nature. Your daughter has just made a huge leap and now its time to take small steps to fortify herself before she gets tied down to the time and vacation restraints of a job.

Another suggestion is to have her make a list of 5-10 small things that she enjoys, for example: taking a bike ride, tending a plant, snuggling with a pet, calling a friend, watching the moon rise, going for a walk, playing with a child, enjoying a hot bath, saying a simple affirmation, or taking a nap. These things can send her in a positive direction and prevent her from getting lost in fearful thinking.

Another idea is to help her break down the task of looking for a job by offering to proof read her resume and cover letters, and encourage her to tap into her college alumni associations and out placement programs.

Lastly, remind her to get plenty of sleep, breathe deeply and relax. It’s freeing and frightening at the same time to find your way in the world.

A classic book to send her as a gift is: Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway, by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.

Best to you and your daughter,

Betty Frain, Ph.D. MFT