Dear Dr. Betty,

I have been receiving calls from my three grown children, concerned about the suffering and inequality that they see in the world. They are working in careers that make them aware of people without health care, food-bank lines doubling, families suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, and those who are living in inadequate housing.  We understand that the government is bogged down in politics and lobbying as usual, causing urgent needs to go unmet. I feel so helpless when I listen to their concern and frustration that I often join in their despair.

Many people we know have lost their jobs due to layoffs or have had their work hours reduced. Each one of us knows of several people who have lost their homes to foreclosure, whose life savings are gone, or have had a health crisis that forced them into bankruptcy.

How can I inspire my children to use their leadership skills and education to act on their caring nature? My husband is tired of working for social justice and is resigned to the fact that the poor and suffering will always be with us. His advice to them is to enjoy their lives and stop watching the news.

I am of the mind to throw up my hands and pull back from the problems of the world, too, but I know that teaching my children and grandchildren to help make their communities and world a healthier place is a better plan. Do you have any ideas on how we can help that includes more than just sending $10 to Haiti relief?

Caring in Kansas

Dear Caring,

It can be discouraging when we pay attention to the news.  Sometimes it is good to take a break from the steady stream of fear and negativity that our media presents to us. Remember it is the dramatic and highly emotional events that make news.

It does seem like so much is out of our control and doing good doesn’t make a dent in containing the chaos. This is not true. A good resource to see what others are doing is to subscribe to online magazines (or e-zines) Yes! and Good. They offer numerous stories of everyday heroes and heroines, making an impact in their towns and villages.

Research by David McClelland and Carol Kirshnit, has demonstrated that giving and caring for others strengthens one’s immune system and physical resilience. Looking out for the welfare of others improves one’s own wellbeing. It also enables us to form deep, rich and rewarding reciprocal relationships. We are hardwired to connect. Unfortunately people who don’t feel connected, are often unable to tolerate differences and become insensitive and inflexible.

When we build relationships we tap into our moral and spiritual selves and this in turn develops further sturdiness, internal fortitude and empathy. The more we care for each other, the more that caring is returned. In turn, we are more willing to stand up for what we believe in and stave off selfishness, an unhealthy sense of entitlement and self-importance.

It is a human need to depend on each other. Once we gain the understanding that we are basically social beings, all one, and we need each other, we can accomplish shared goals.

I suggest that you be a role model for your family members. How often do you volunteer, participate in community service or extend yourself to others? Share those experiences with your children. Do you reach out to new neighbors, someone in the hospital, a family with a new baby or a family in need by stopping by with a goodie bag? Tell your stories of those encounters and how they have enriched your life.

Some of my friends and acquaintances work for Meals on Wheels, volunteer at a hospital or for docent positions. One of my favorite volunteer jobs was taking tourists on tours of the Denver Art Museum as a Saturday docent. Another opportunity that I had fun with was working during pledge drives for the public radio station.

Talk to your grandchildren about why some people might have gotten into dire straights through no fault of their own. Then, as a family, collect toys or clothing to take to the homeless shelter or other organizations that may need the offerings. Work in a community garden as a family. Many city rose gardens and parks accept help pruning, planting or doing trail maintenance several times of the year.   Share a good book for children: Kid’s Random acts of Kindness by Dawna Markova. You will find many more good ideas that children can participate in.

If your grown children live nearby, you may take on a project together.  Perhaps cook or serve a meal at the soup kitchen or donate something to a silent auction for a non-profit. Collect books for children in foster care.

Perhaps your child has a special talent such as singing, playing an instrument or is computer savvy. They may want to share those gifts or teach someone how to use a computer and the Internet.

When my children were young, we became puppy raisers for Canine Companions. It was a big commitment but it taught us all about the value of providing support for those confined to wheelchairs.

My son has a program at his place of work that encourages employees to volunteer once a month. He has become the “big brother” to an inner city child. His boss gave him one afternoon off a month to meet with this child, but he now meets with him once a week on his own.  He had a Big Brother when he was growing up and knows the value that such programs provide.

This is just a start; I imagine that you will come up with many more good ideas once you start brainstorming with your family. You may even inspire your husband to get involved.

A website that focuses on giving to others and gives daily inspirational quotes is: http://www.charityfocus.org.

Have fun improving your communities and enriching your lives by sharing your life with others.

Dr. Betty