Dear Dr. Frain:

My grown children have been brought up in affluence. I fear that I have spoiled them. For example, my 20 year old daughter feels that just because we have a good lifestyle she is entitled to it as well. We have involved her in discussions of our values for education, philanthropy and volunteerism, but she isn’t showing any interest in these activities. Do you have some ideas on how we can educate her about the importance of giving back to our communities and to help those less fortunate?

Sincerely, Parent of a Big Spender

Dear Parent:

Many parents tell me they are concerned that their children have not developed the generous moral values they had hoped to impart in them. How do we teach values like compassion and humility when our children never had to go without? How does a young man learn to develop initiative and self confidence when he always has had things handed to him? How do you teach young men and women that money isn’t everything when they live in a community where it obviously makes a huge difference?

It’s never too late to talk about the value of money and your family’s perspective on it. One suggestion I have is to explain to your family that you intend to spend time, not cash, on your grown children and that you will organize your gatherings more around relationships and experiences. Show them articles about the inequities in our world and what others are doing to improve the environment or social injustice. Introduce them to foundations such as the Gates Foundation and the Clinton’s Global Initiative that are doing so much to solve the complex issues that face our planet today. Encourage them to be activists by showing them what you are doing to give back to your community. Perhaps you might want to ask them to join you the next time you volunteer for your favorite organization or attend a fund raiser for a favorite charity.

Remind your family members that their talent and privilege offer them an opportunity to make an impact to improve lives here and abroad. You can teach your grown sons and daughters that the point of their life is to love and be loved, not to strive for wealth or possessions.

Best, Betty Frain, Ph.D.