The phenomenon of grown children living at home through their 20s, 30s and beyond has become so commonplace it is now part of pop culture with films such as "Failure to Launch" and the sitcom "Free Ride."

MySpace.com even has a contest looking for people who still live with their parents. (The winner will receive six months of paid rent to move out of their parents home.) And yet, serious discussion of the topic is lacking. Some people are embarrassed or ashamed to talk about their "baby bummers." Others are proud, talking about how they are supporting their children through "the new adulthood" where life transitions occur later.

According to a recent survey by the University of Chicago, most people believe adulthood begins at 26. The years between 18-26 are now a separate stage of life; some call such a transitional stage the "twixter" phase.

I'm of the old school belief that it's important for healthy growth and development to be independent and for young adults to create their own life in their own way. The solution isn't for parents to add separate rooms and entrances to their house for their boomerang kids.

Ten years ago, Eileen Clegg and I wrote a book called Becoming a Wise Parent for Your Grown Child: How to Give Love and Support Without Meddling as people were just beginning to discuss the topic of relationships with grown children.

Earlier this year, our book was discovered by the producers of the Failure to Launch DVD who were looking to define what has come to be known as the "Failure to Launch Phenomenon." In our interview for the DVD special feature, we identified several factors that keep today's parents and grown children more tightly bound together.

First, consider the economics: college debt is 85 percent higher than a decade ago, pay for entry-level jobs has not kept pace with inflation, the average credit card debt for young people is $9,000 and housing costs have doubled in 10 years.

Second, the parents of today's young adults are mainly baby-boomers, who have been obsessed with parenting perfectly, from LaMaze classes all the way up through parenting-your-teen classes, and they're not about to quit when their kids reach 18.

Third, we are living longer, and the equivalent percentage of life span for yesterday's age 18 is today's 26.

Fourth, the generations have more in common with each other. There isn't a "generation gap" when 50-something parents and 20-something children are going together to the Stones concert. Parents and adult children often also share the ideal of changing the world for the better.

But there are problems, and they're not addressed in Dr. Spock.

The Third Age Institute in Santa Barbara conducted a survey that found 70 percent of respondents had a major problem in their relationship with one or more adult children.

For many, problems revolve around dependency versus autonomy.

Even though "Failure to Launch" is a comedy, it touched on some important issues. The main character had a life crisis that precipitated his move home, the mom was worried about how her relationship with her husband would be without the son at home as a buffer, and the main character could avoid intimacy with women by showing he was a loser living at home.

Most parents wouldn't do what the parents in the movie did: Hire Sarah Jessica Parker to date their son to get him out of the house. What can and should you really do?

The number one way parents can truly support their adult sons and daughters is to be sure that they get a college education. A college education gives them a chance to compete in a two-tiered labor market.

Once the young adult emerges from college, there are still many issues to address to help them reach true adulthood. This is the time of life to try different jobs, interests, places to live and romantic partners, so that when they do settle down they are able to focus on a fulfilling life. Parents can communicate frequently to help young people weigh the often overwhelming options they face.

Another way parents can offer true help is to educate their children about credit card debt that can often interfere with financial independence and the ability to move on with their life. Teaching them the importance of budgeting and saving will enable them to leave home much sooner.

Making living at home too comfortable can hinder movement, too. Providing meals, laundry and cleaning services and rent-free space do not foster growth. Allowing adults to live at home without contributing to rent and utilities is not a good idea either.

Twixters may look like they are spoiled, but they can use some carefully planned support. Helping them discuss their goals, the realities of our changing world and the fact that they are facing a less secure future financially, can provide them with the real support that they need: love.